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22 Out-Of-Context D&D Quotes for When That Diplomacy Check Just Isn't Doing the Trick

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22 Out-Of-Context D&D Quotes for When That Diplomacy Check Just Isn't Doing the Trick

Rolling Diplomacy Checks

Dungeons & Dragons isn't all about hacking, slashing, and arguing about who gets to collect the best loot.  Often-times, you can solve conflict by talking about it diplomatically, using all those points you put into your Charisma attribute.

You did put points into your Charisma attribute, didn't you?

Is that vampire negging us?  It's working incredibly well.

1. Sometimes it works better than you think.

Making Introductions

Making a good first impression is key, especially with one of the named NPCs.

Your handshake is limp and awkwardly sweaty.  The iceberg is displeased.

2. Start off with good eye contact and a firm handshake.  Maybe putting a couple extra points into Strength will help.

What ho, birds?  Be ye friend or fowl?

3. Hopefully your new avian friends and you share a language in common.

What ho, shrimpsman!  We wish to purchase passage aboard your crustacean.

4. If not, maybe try talking to some sea monsters.

Hi, I'm Vlad and I'm a sorceror, and this is my horse, Horceror.

5. Maybe you can use your Diplomacy skill to help your adventure companions come up with some better names for their animal companions.

I may have just met you, but gosh-darn, I'd like to adopt a small dinosaur with you.

6. Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but I rolled a number, so help me maybe?

Getting What You Want

Getting NPCs to do what you want just takes a little bit of social finesse.

Are you a druid?  Legally, you have to tell me if you're a druid.

7. This is a lie.  Druids aren't legally required to tell you anything, unless maybe they have a Lawful alignment, but if you're smooth enough they might not know that.

Can everyone stop overreacting?  It was only a murder.

8. A good Diplomacy roll can help you get out of sticky situations.

Have you been spreading word of my good deeds as I commanded?  Yes, but we accidentally became slavers.  Ooh, that's not gonna be great for the brand.

9. It can also help you spread your fame far and wide.

If he's in the wind cult, he'll know the answer to the secret code question: Are you in the wind cult?

10. And it can help you glean helpful information on your quest!

Mesistophonese accepts your challenge to a bake-off.

11. Use Diplomacy to find alternative ways to solve conflict.

Sir, if you do not stop kicking my barbarian I will have to slap you.

12. Trying to use Intimidation works best if you actually look intimidating, though.

Will you assist me on my noble quest?  Yes young man, we'll help you sell your cookies.

13. But Diplomacy can help you sell NPCs on even the most trivial of tasks.

I was trying to stab the spectral warriors behind you!

14. And it can help with diffusing the oh-so-common accidental stabbing.

I only killed that guy because you didn't believe in me!

15. Because any murder your character may have committed was certainly just justifiable homicide, right?

When Diplomacy Isn't Enough

Sometimes, even the most silver-tongued half-elf ends up rolling a critical failure.

Oh yes, I'm actually friends with your god.  I call him friend-god.

16. This only works when the diety is actually named "Friend-God", but for those 0.0001% of cases, it works like a charm!

On a scale from me to my father, who can kill you more?  Hint--it's me.  I used the wrong metaphor.

17. When push comes to shove, you've just got to roll for initiative and hope you get a critical.

It wasn't murder lust, it was justice want!

18. And at the end of the day, we all want justice, don't we?

I tumble down the stairs to express my disapproval.

19. But if you can't get what you want, you can at least own up to your failure and try to use it to your advantage.

The Subtle Art of Seduction

From time to time, you can use your character's wiles to convince NPCs by using the universal language, known in every world on every plane: love.

You attempt to seduce the ashes for information.

20. The ashes might have been more receptive before they were ashes, though.

You have successfully seduced the goblin.  I shall name him Mark the Baker and he shall bake us delicious rolls.

21. Use your skills wisely.  Delicious rolls are always a wise choice.

Roll for sass.

22. And if all else fails, just be a little sassy!


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